I didn’t come to the decision to homeschool lightly. In fact, it took me far longer than many to actually step forward and commit to the decision. In many ways, I think it took far too long. My eldest, Danielle, was a teenager before I finally decided enough was enough and took back control of something I should have had a say in long before.
For many, homeschool is not an easy choice or one they first arrive at. It is found at the end of a dark road, after so much heartache, resentment and stress.
If you have missed a previous entry on Why I Chose Homeschooling, click here for a complete list of entries.
Believing in Myself
I don’t think I’m alone in this, I think that there are many of us who go along with the messages we were raised with – get an education, go to college, get a good job, buy a house in the ‘burbs, have 2.6 kids and retire when we’re 65.
I followed a lot of that advice, and dished it out as well, although at times I found myself wondering why it felt wrong to tell my kid, “Go to school, do your homework, obey your teachers, get good grades, that way you’ll go far.”
The longer she was in public school, the more problems we encountered, the more I found myself questioning what I had been taught…and what I was teaching.
My life has been often turned upside down by “A-ha” moments. Those inexplicable snippets of clarity that hit while you are trudging along down the road of life, minding your own business, when suddenly, the perfect solution hits and you wonder “why didn’t I think of that sooner?”
- Standing up for the first time to my ex-husband when he started on his umpteenth tirade about how I wasn’t a nice person, not a good mom, et cetera.
- When I returned to college determined to get my degree, despite working full-time, homeschooling and all the rest.
- When I stood up in the middle of a conference room and announced, “I quit.”
Life-changing, life-altering, a-ha moments. Where the revelation hits that,
- “I’m not who you label me to be.”
- “I want an education.”
- “I can do better than this job.”
And so it happened for me. That one day, something deep inside me broke, like a rubber band stretched too tight. I felt the realization flood through me. I could do this. I could homeschool. I could and should teach my child, trust in my own judgment, stop second-guessing my own worth as a mother and teacher to my child, and believe in myself.
I pulled her out of school for the second time in less than a year. This time it was for good. My only regret? That I hadn’t done it years earlier.
You will find the final installment here in: Part 6 – Believing in My Children