Why Am I So Tired?!

For those of you who know me personally – that question above is probably a no-brainer. However, last week was particularly draining.

Part of it was the build-up to Dee’s visit the weekend before, and the disappointment of it ending too quickly. I miss her – not in a “clutch you to my bosom and never let you go keep you a kid forever” kind of way – but the sadness that comes from interacting with an interesting adult and fellow thinker who I happen to be related to.

And although we didn’t have any great deep discussions, we did spend some time together, nearly child-free as our two children played together in the yard for hours on end. Two easygoing kids – one big yard for adventuring in – and I would catch myself wondering where in the world they were, only to have one or both come back inside the house for water or a snack before disappearing again.

I think the main reason for my exhaustion was the reality that, unlike at least half of Emily’s Kindergarten year, I am on my own when it comes to meeting the education goals for 1st grade. And that is intimidating.

I know I can do it – and we have had enormous strides in the past week or two – but I’m still fighting the urge to hole up in front of my computer (or a book) and avoid homeschooling activities altogether.

I can’t help but feel somewhat lacking.

  • I’ve never been the mom who would sit down and play with her child.
  • I’ve struggled with keeping my temper in check my entire life. I amĀ not a patient person.
  • I’m an only child – and (with the exception of two years as a stepparent) I’ve had only one child at a time to have to parent – I am used to solitude and hours upon hours spent alone.
  • Looking at that list of goals remains intimidating.
  • I feel disorganized…ME…a professional organizer!

This past Thursday we had a cleaning in the morning. After we returned and ate lunch we finished reading a little learn-to-read phonics book I had prompted Emily to read out of at the cleaning, and then I read her a short story. After that I was wiped out. She wanted to play a game, I wanted a nap!

Thankfully I talked her into letting me have one blessed hour. I doubt that any mother with more than one child would have been as lucky, and my kiddo is pretty darned good. Afterward, I talked myself into playing some games with her.

Yes, I would have far rather run to my computer and done some searches as well as writing, but instead I sat down with Emily and played several rounds of Uno. After that I gave her a choice of three different recipes we could bake and she chose some carrot muffins. That took us a while, with her stopping towards the end to listen to a couple of versions of the The Muffin Man on YouTube.

After that we hit the phonics digraph bingo again. This pleased the heck out of me, she had markedly improved from the previous day. She’s quicker to recognize the combinations of ch, sh, and th and is reading the words out faster.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I cheat at bingo. I make sure to let her win. Not easily or without me getting any, but it appears to be a close game. She doesn’t realize that I can read the words through the thin paper that is stacked upside down. I push words aside that I have and she doesn’t.

My reasoning on this is that she will get the pennies then and that we will add them up and practice counting by 2s, 5s, 10s and more. The important part of all of this is that she stays interested and motivated to learn. Besides, I whomped her good at Uno. We played four rounds and the only one she managed to win was the last round!

I think that the major reason that I am tired is that I’m still scared…

  • That I won’t do a good job
  • That I’ll be all over the place and she won’t learn anything
  • That I’m not spending enough time on the basics

I’m admitting to those fears here – mainly because I believe in being brutally honest. You will note I didn’t name this blog the Homeschool Expert or the Homeschool Goddess Who Knows All Things.

I’m not the be all, end all.

Perhaps that is why I’m finding it just a tad difficult to…

  • Run a small cleaning biz
  • Write in these two blogs three times a week
  • Teach classes (anywhere from 1-5 classes per month)
  • Edit my current non-fiction manuscript
  • Keep the household stuff going
  • Finish writing Book 2 of War’s End so I can get started on my 12 book fantasy series
  • Actually DO something with my garden (now that it isn’t hot enough to induce heat stroke)
  • Oh yeah, and homeschool my child

Overbook yourself much, Christine?

Shut up, you!

Well, I guess I know why I’m so damned tired every day.

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