Last week, I read an article that had my fur up. Honestly, I reacted like a wet cat, full of fury and vengeance. It appears I wasn’t the only one.
The article was by Amy Glass, “I Look Down on Young Women with Husbands and Kids and I’m Not Sorry”
In any case, apparently she stirred the hornet’s nest.
I’ve spent ALL of my adult life, some 25+ years, actively parenting. I became a mom shortly after my 18th birthday, raised my daughter mainly while working full-time, and a few months after she left home, my second daughter was born.
Probably one of the hardest things I can think of is to leave your child in daycare while you try to earn enough for the two of you to stay alive, to make ends meet. I was married during part of my eldest’ childhood, but he made leeches look good, so I was on my own.
Probably the biggest feeling I remember battling was one of hopelessness. I couldn’t be everything – mom, mentor, teacher, provider – and I hated depending on others to do that for me, especially when the teachers and so-called mentors failed so miserably. Believe me, there are many reasons why I had zero interest in my youngest EVER stepping foot in a traditional school setting.
When I became pregnant with my second child, I was in a secure relationship. I wanted to be there, not just in mornings and evenings after work, but ALL THE TIME, during her infancy, early childhood, and hopefully beyond.
But one income simply wasn’t (and still isn’t) an option. My husband works very hard at what he does, and constantly strives to be better, to learn more, but his income can’t cover all of our needs, so I work too. I run a cleaning biz, I write here on Bubblews, I try (I’m trying really, REALLY hard!) to market my books on Amazon, and I also teach classes. Together they make enough that, if I manage my time really well, I can actually do/be/have it all. I’m one of the lucky ones.
When I read the article by Amy Glass, I was furious. How dare she tell me that what I was doing wasn’t good enough? How dare she tell me that I was not contributing in some of the most important things possible?
A week later, and her (sort of) retraction later, I realized, albeit late, that she was not talking about me. Put simply, I’ve never been one to limit myself to just one thing. I’ve always done far more than that, partly because I financially HAD to, and partly because I’m simply not wired to stay still, I’m constantly learning and doing.
But even if she wasn’t talking to ME, I still object to what she wrote. And honestly, if someone hates themselves (i.e. their past child self, because we were all children once) SO MUCH that they consider children to be “money-sucking, dream killers” (as a local shock jock is known to say), then don’t have kids. Have a vasectomy, tie those tubes, and carry on with your life.
But don’t judge others on their choices.
That’s my two cents.
(This post was originally published on Bubblews at: http://www.bubblews.com/news/2242222-was-amy-glass-right-or-wrong-define-stay-at-home-mom)