Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m continuing to struggle with homeschool. Mainly I’m finally over the hump of first packing, then unpacking, and finally organizing our new house and have it mainly how we want it. Yes, there are several huge projects we need to complete, but the days are not filled with constant packing or unpacking of boxes and life has settled down.
Homeschool has not. Or there isn’t a routine of any sort.
Should there be?
I’m not even sure of that anymore.
Right now I’m trying to get back in touch with Emily. We’ve spent the last six months running at top speed toward family goals – work and more – and now I’m trying to find that sweet spot again. The place where we have the conversations – “Why is [fill in the blank] this way, Mama? How does [fill in the blank] work? Who is [fill in the blank] and why do we have a holiday about them?”
Yesterday she noticed the flags were at half mast. She asked why and I told her it was probably because of the bombings in Boston. We talked a little about it.
Overall though, I feel as if I have lost my connection with her. It isn’t something that can’t be gotten back – it’s just we fell out of synch and I need to figure out how to synch back up. So I hit the default button…when in doubt, hit the books. Or in this case, the bookstore.
I had been feeling absolutely lousy the first half of the day on Thursday. Migraine, vomiting, it was bad. A little after noon we headed out for a bite to eat. I still felt like my head was going to explode, and I wasn’t sure the burger was going to stay down, but I figured it was better than laying on the couch and moaning in pain. Once I had some food in me my headache receded somewhat and we were close to the Barnes & Noble on the Plaza so I suggested we head over there.
It should be no surprise to anyone who knows me that I left there with a small stack of books. Here is what I found…
Each day for a year, then repeated for two more, is a question. “What do you dream about?” Or “When ________ happens I feel sad.” Those kind of questions. Perhaps that will help get us started – a reconnection of sorts through my asking her daily questions.
Now when finding this link I also found one for adults which I am quite tempted to get…
Emily spent a great deal of time trying to convince me to get a variety of toys she found. She wasn’t really interested in the books, although she did ask me to read this one to her. I added it to the stack and we brought it home…
I also found a cool book I thought she might like. It included a compass and whistle…
And I picked out a I Can Read! Amelia Bedelia compilation…
Emily seems to enjoy humorous stories and Amelia Bedelia definitely qualifies.
Lastly I picked up a book for myself…
I had quoted from The Prophet when sending out Emily’s birth announcements. It summed up how I felt about this new child I was bringing into the world…
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
I need to tap back in to her current. I need to figure out what she needs, what moves her, and help her find it. Only then will the learning and the obvious movement forward occur.
And we are close. I can feel it. It may sound strange, but I can feel the whispering of who she is, and what she needs coming back, now that all of the noise of moving our lives and home are done. I just need to hold her, talk to her, and listen to her – and we will find ourselves back on track.
Any moment now…